Matthew’s Blog

Book Review – The Anatomy of Peace

What if conflicts in the world, personal, and work life all source from the same root cause? What if we systematically blind ourselves to that cause? And what if, as a result, we are unwittingly perpetuating the very problems that we believe we are trying to solve?

These are the questions that the Arbinger Institute answers in The Anatomy of Peace

I have been a raving fan of the Arbinger Institute’s work going on three three years now since I was shaken to the core by the work as I experienced my family, my brother in particular in a whole new light. A light I could no longer ignor. My work with the Arbinger material has been transformational for me, my clients, and their companies. So much so that Leadership & Self Deception (L&SD) became required reading for all of my clients.

This has created a slight dilemma since not all of my clients are business people. While those that are don’t always want to read “another” business book. Heck, even I put off reading the thing for nearly a year because I was a “leadership” coach, what did I need to learn about “leadership”? The short answer – EVERYTHING, anew.

So I was overjoyed when I learned that they released a new book last month. The Anatomy of Peace is a book that I can recommend to anyone. The language is different, the intended audience is different, but the heart of the matter is still solid as ever. This is a book for everyone & business people too. It takes the work much deeper than L&SD and applies it to life circumstances from family relationships to international conflicts. It is all based on true events and a real executive and the experiences at the Anasazi Foundation Arbinger’s partner in intervention.

The Anatomy of Peace is a prequel to Leadership & Self Deception. It is the story of Lou Herbert, the founder of Zagrum (the company in L&SD) and his journey to Camp Moriah (Anasazi) where he & his wife have taken their troubled son for an outdoors survival program to straighten him out and attend a two day seminar for the parents. We get to find out about what Lou’s transformation process was that began the journey of L&SD. The camp is lead by two unlikely leaders: Yusuf-al-Falah, an Arab, and Avi Rozen, a Jew, each of whom lost their fathers at the hands of the other’s ethnic cousins. The Anatomy of Peace is about how they came together and now work at bringing peace to children and parents who are at war with each other.

This is a powerful book. In many respects it is like being a fly on the wall during part of an Arbinger program. Fans of L&SD will not be disappointed as there is a great deal of new material here. All the juicy stuff they’ve been learning since L&SD was released has been added to the mix. I love the new terminology of the heart at peace & the heart at war. This really puts a firm grip on the issue and takes it out of the logical mind. We can all relate to it. “In the box” and “out of the box” never really worked for me, it seems sterile. This wording touches my soul. The box analogy hasn’t been jettisoned though. It still has a place, especially when mapping out collusion and diagramming the process. They introduce a startling and powerful concept of boxes that we carry with us and how we all in one degree or another carry one or more of these: the I am better than box, the I must to be seen as box, the I am worse than box, and the I deserve box. I think I have visited all four of these in the past four years. How about you? This work applies to all of us. Who are you in relationship with your client? The world? Your spouse?

Matthew Rochte – Seasoned Coaches Coach, Executive Coach, & Coaching Pundit.
Matthew is about helping people be GREAT! To help is coach clients be great
they dive deep to explore the human functioning model, perceptions, business
practices, Arbinger work, SQ Spiritual Intelligence, & Coaching From Within.
He helps his business clients be great by applying the above and working
with their Spiritual Capital & relationships so they can be great.
Matthew is a 15year coaching veteran, serves on the ICF Ethics &
Standards Committee & is MCA’s 2005 Past President
http://www.coachingintentionally.com http://www.workingintentionally.com

© Copyright 2006 Matthew Rochte, used with permission

I saw the following message on a church I drive by frequently and it sums it all up.

Friendship doubles our happiness and divides our grief

My 2006 Mission has been and continues to be to build stronger and deeper friendship.

Go beyond the casual acquaintance and business network, but go deeper. Who are you? What is important to you? What’s happening in your life? How can we help each other outside our normal networking roles?

Be bold, build friendships - not networks!

I was working with a new client today who we’ll call Sam.   I’ve known Sam for quite a while and he regulary asks me - so, what is a coach?, just to test me and to see if I’ve honed my answer.

Well, today I turned the tables on him.
After an exceptionally powerful session, I asked him, "So, Sam, what is a coach?"

He pauses realizing what I’ve done - almost a deer in the headlights look.
Then, with a flash his face relaxes and a big grin comes over his face.  
Sam says, "What I see before me is emotional chiropractics"  

I am dumbfounded.   "Wow, thats really cool!"

Sam "Well, its like when your chiropractor gives you adjustments so that your body and lifeforce can heal itself better, re-alignment so that it flows smoothly."

Me: "I am not so sure about the emotional part.  Was I working with your emotions or were you just aware of the emotions coming forth?

Sam: "More the emotions coming forth, the adjustments came a a much deeper level"

Me: "A soul level"

Sam: "Yeah, an alignment with my soul so it can flow smoothly . . ."

Me: "And see and listen cleanly to what is going on."

Sam: "Yeah"

Me: "Can I tweak your idea a bit?"

Sam: "Sure"

Me: "How about spiritual chiropractics, a  spiritual chiropractor?"

Sam:  "Yeah, thats it.   Aligning the soul so my lifeforce can be free to do what it needs to do/to be"

Me: "MMMmmmm Yummy, what a luscious thought."икони

A Soul’s Kiss

During the first conversation
when time seemed to stand still
two souls meet each other
for the first time

They bow and curtsy
Then walk hand in arm
as they promenade
to the dance floor

They are like old friends
One in the same
The passage of time
means nothing to them

They spin and laugh
swing, dip, and cry
A moment outside of time 
has arrived

A stroke, an embrace
A kiss, A knowing
At peace amongst
the quandary of time’s sewing

Eyes linger with sight like no other
Hearts flutter & breaths intertwine
A moments rush of energy
That bathes us in eternity

Caught off guard
the mind takes control
the body still senses though
the other’s soul-shadow

It was a soul’s kiss
An unmistakable bliss
A moment of rare delight
In that first night

A mystery of a kiss
An embrace
A wave good bye
And very old and a very new
Hello

~ Matthew Egan Rochte 6/12/2005

Goose Aflight

goose aflight
loose alight
moosing in dawns early light

loons adive
coons alive
swooning in earths spring thrive

Wecome Spring
Upon the wing
of goose, cardinal, and sparrow they sing
what a wonderful thing
spring

Guess I am in a rhyming mood today. So things don’t go ~ afray while nature and the pulse have their way.

Funny thing happened on the way to talk to the trees.
After last weeks amazing adventure with the Trees of Lake Harriet, I decided to venture again. This time the trees were mum. . . . until I got it and they had a good guffah.

As I walked away from “Fred” (that’s what I call him, or at least that is what I recall him geing called) I heard “your laces.” I thought that was rather odd as I wear boots and they rarely come undone. My laces are under my jeans, how would the tree know. Was this a joke.

No joke. They were not right. Then I noticed that I had not crossed over after the eyelets. So I undid my left lace and relaced them. Immediately I felt the pain in my shin go away. I had been having a challenge walking up until this point, as if I hadn’t stretched, but I had. Lo and behold my walking was pain free from there on.

I walked with a boyuant gate the rest of the way to Dunn Bros. Then as I reached the top of the hill I saw this glorious elm. What a magnificent tree with a wonderful canopy just ready to burst out into bud.

I walked a few steps and noticed a young tree that was perfectly balanced and appreciated it too. “Laces”

That’s funny I had forgotten about the laces. I looked down and lo and behold - my never coming undone laces had done just that.

I looked up and they were all giggling.

Fun with trees.